I am confused in myself and don’t know what to do next, I ask for help.

Psychologist's answer.

Hello Dmitry. Firstly, I want to say that every person who was able to get rid of drugs from their life can rightfully be proud of themselves and feel respect for themselves.

You write that previously everything was good or almost good. In reality, any situation where there is a place for drugs cannot be good. Definitely, your situation is better now, despite the problems with erection, temperature and lack of communication that bother you. But these problems can be solved if you understand what they are connected with.

Previously, you chased material wealth “I rented an apartment, had a good salary...” and considered yourself successful thanks to them. You believed that it was the presence of these values ​​in your life that gave you the right to respect yourself, consider your life fulfilled, have many friends, interests, girl and not have problems in sex life. But life proves the opposite if we begin to place too much importance on material values ​​and external tinsel. We begin to judge ourselves by how we appear in the eyes of other people. Because the meaning of life is not this at all, but the development of natural abilities, their improvement, application in the area that you have chosen for yourself. It is thanks to this that a person can truly be satisfied with himself, be in harmony with himself, create satisfactory relationships with others and understand why he lives.

When does a person start taking drugs? If he does not want to be responsible for his own life. How can you take responsibility for your life if external material values ​​are put at the forefront? There can never be too many of them and there is always the fear of not being good enough, of losing them. That's why drugs come to the rescue.

Problems with erection occur if a man judges himself only by his material achievements and success at work, career advancement. And he does not find other values ​​for which he could respect and value himself. In essence, what an erection is is the possibility of conceiving a child, prolongation of a kind, passing on one’s genes to next generations. And it is logical that if a person at some point considers his life unsatisfactory, not worthy of existence, then he will not want to create others like himself. And therefore problems with erection arise. As soon as you find something to live for (I repeat once again - these are your natural abilities that find application in your chosen favorite activity), then your erection will also return to normal.

As for the temperature. Chronically elevated temperature also has a psychosomatic basis, it reflects how energetically the body is trying to help burn or destroy the negativity that a person has absorbed. A chronic increase in temperature means that a person has already found the culprit, be it himself or another person in the situation in which he finds himself. It normalizes the faster the faster it is realized what the mistake was. Chronic fever also indicates old and long-term anger, possibly at parents. The same is evidenced by pain in the anus - this is the inability until now to get rid of the past, problems, grievances, negative emotions, and feelings of guilt. Diseases associated with the pelvic and hip areas indicate a lack of goals. More precisely, until now these goals have not been formulated or designated for ourselves. This concerns psychosomatics. What to do about it now? Understand what exactly causes such emotions in you, “release” them in socially acceptable ways (you can also read more about this in the next question) or transform them into positive ones, direct the power of the emotions overwhelming you to achieve your goals. Which ones have already been mentioned earlier. By the way, solving this problem will reduce or even eliminate headaches; now you have a headache from overwhelming thoughts and a seemingly dead-end situation.

To restore and create a new circle of friends, you need to restore self-esteem, a positive opinion about yourself. It is difficult for a person to communicate if he has a negative opinion about himself. Remember, realize why you can be loved and appreciated - now relying on new values, not on external indicators of your well-being, but internal ones, those that will always be with you, no matter what happens in your life; restore self-esteem and develop self-acceptance.

Where can you start communicating - for example, register on the sites of former drug addicts (or others that meet your interests) or contact rehabilitation centers (as far as I understand, you live in a large city and you should have one).

If you liked the specialty for which you previously studied at the institute, try to recover or choose another direction for yourself that is more suitable for your abilities and inclinations. Your circle of contacts will automatically expand, and the communication will meet your interests.

And I recommend that you read the following article: “A remedy for despair and mental pain. A way out of a deadlock situation.” These are excerpts from a book by a famous psychologist who previously took drugs. I guess he knew what he was writing about.

And in general, you can read the biographies of people who managed to recover from drug use and serious health problems (for example, actor Robert Daney Jr., and others.) Their positive life experience will show you that there is a way out, and a successful one, from any situation. Perhaps he will give you ideas on how best to proceed now. The only thing is that you need to take responsibility for your life into your own hands and not chase ephemeral values: external prestige, how you will look in the eyes of others, etc.

Remember, after which you gave up the pills and entered a new stage of life 3 months ago - when you distracted yourself from your problems and directed your energy to helping another person. This is not just a coincidence, this is how it happens: by helping others, we help ourselves.

And I repeat once again, as for an erection, it will be restored as soon as you find yourself, realize your strengths and abilities, and find your comfortable place in life. And this is more than possible. It's within your power!

If there is a dead end in life and a person simply does not know what to do next and what to do? If everything around is annoying? These are serious problems that need to be addressed urgently. This article describes step by step what to do when you don’t know what to do next. So, what to do when you don’t know what to do next? First of all, you need to calm down.

All tantrums will not lead to anything good, so they should be stopped. Don't tear it and throw it around the apartment. We give ourselves the freedom to relax - you can take a bath, drink a cup of your favorite coffee or tea and, of course, get some sleep.

You shouldn’t close yourself within four walls, this will only escalate things even more. Let's forget about the Internet and social networks and go into nature. Ideally, it would be to get out into the fresh air, even for a week. If such an opportunity is not provided, we devote as much time as possible to such rest. If you can’t devote even one day to this, you need to take a walk, at least a couple of hours. You can spend this time with your dog, rollerblading, or taking a walk in the park. This will help you break away from the daily grind and everyday problems. To get the maximum benefit from this walk, you need to forget about everything and enjoy the beauty of nature. If you don’t know what to do when you don’t know what to talk about with your husband, then you urgently need

This will bring back common sense and perhaps lead to solving some problems.

If a walk does not help, you can try using an outside review of problems. To do this, it’s worth putting all your problems on paper, describing the situation in all the details, as it appears, people who are annoying. After completing this action, it is worth reading what is written and, if you are confident that these are the problems that have led to a dead end, without regret, we change our lives. We change everything that was written on paper - work, harmful acquaintances, part with fear, pity and anger. It will also be useful to forgive everyone listed on the list, this will give us more strength and confidence.

If there is pity for certain moments or for everything in general, then you have to come to terms with it and move on with your life, as it was before, until a dead end comes again.

In any situation, you need to draw your own conclusions to avoid its repetition. Therefore, having carefully analyzed what led to such an outcome of circumstances, it is better to record your conclusions on paper. If you ignore this step, even certain changes in life will not help. This will be a temporary solution to the problems and you can easily return to repeating the situation after a short period of time.

You can imagine a situation where a friend came to us for advice, faced with problems identical to ours. We take the notepad again and write down everything, even the most ridiculous advice that comes to mind. After the work has been done, you can once again go out into nature.

We re-read the list and choose the most suitable options that can really help. These points should be formalized as a plan for the near future. This could be a couple of days, weeks, months. The main thing is to believe in the implementation of the plan and the solution to your problems.

Now, after all the work done, all that remains is to put everything into practice. It may be more difficult, but do not forget about the work done, because all this was done for a specific purpose!

Sometimes you just stop and don't know what to do next with your life. It is very difficult to decide what to do, to find the right solution. This feeling of uncertainty can occur in anyone and at any age. It doesn't matter what it is - you're choosing a university, graduating and looking for a job, trying to get over a breakup, or approaching retirement. In any situation, you may feel like you just don't know where to move next. Five steps will help you deal with the problem, with the help of which you will understand what you want to do in your future life.

Put on your sneakers and clear your mind

Sometimes the situation turns out to be so difficult that all you can think about is how to survive until the next day. You have no strategy for the future, no plans or desires. You just can't stand it. If this is the case, don't panic. Focus on daily activities. Physical activity will help you get through the day. Set your alarm early, prepare your running clothes in advance, and head outside. A short run is a great start to the day. At first it will be difficult for you to force yourself to get out of bed; you will just want to close yourself off from the world. But over time, you will realize that after a run you feel better, and your worries will subside. You will begin to look forward to the morning and will be filled with energy from your activities. Your sleep will become stronger. Exercise helps you cope with emotional pain and improves your health. It’s easier for you to deal with all life’s problems. Sometimes the effect is not immediate, but one way or another, sport helps you move to a new stage of life without much difficulty.

Wake up your consciousness, start acting

No one will live instead of you. All people, rich or poor, prosperous or ruined, must cope with their own problems. You must move on, no matter how difficult it is. It doesn’t matter what justice is, it doesn’t matter if you’re sad, you simply have to act! Life cannot be predicted, and the answers we seek are not always pleasant. There are no rules to follow in order to follow the right path. You must awaken your consciousness and accept reality as it is, prepare for change and understand that life is unpredictable. This will be another step towards finding your new direction. You will have to deal with all your stereotypes and self-doubts - they block your path. Even if you don’t see yourself in the future, you don’t know what you want, you need to make decisions.
Many people prefer to do nothing - making decisions seems so difficult to them. Don't let fear paralyze you. Keep moving, don't give up. Even a small step forward is better than constant procrastination. Just try it and you will see for yourself!

Challenge yourself to a thirty day challenge

Write a list of three goals that, when achieved, will improve your life. Try to achieve them in a month. Let it be even something simple - lose a couple of kilograms or start training for a marathon. The main thing is that you actually do it. This will give your life perspective again. By achieving your goals, you will regain your confidence in your abilities. Don't give in to sadness, try to fix everything in thirty days.

Other people's stories, their perspective on life and how to overcome similar difficulties can help you. Reading this can help you find inspiration and motivate you if you don't know what to do next with your life. You will be able to find useful tips and sort out the clutter in your thoughts and feelings. You can also read biographical books from people who have had difficult times in life. You are likely to find someone whose life experience is similar to yours or simply impresses you enough to give you the strength to find your way. Such reading will never be a waste of time, don’t even doubt it - choose a book and get to it as soon as possible.

Do everything to understand yourself better

Understand yourself, understand what you like in life. You must understand your desires if you want to take action and create change. If you are not clear about who you are and what you need, you will not be able to understand what direction is right for you. In addition, only knowing who you are can become a reliable foundation for believing in yourself. When you are in despair, you will be able to find the strength to move on if you know that you can cope. The previous step can help in self-knowledge - the thirty-day challenge opens your eyes well to your priorities. Once you feel that you have found the right direction, you can direct all your efforts towards achieving your goal. You will know where to look for information and where to get inspiration.

This is the original and laconic question I received by email from reader Igor. The question, of course, is not specific, but judging by the analytics on the Internet, it is very relevant. And since the question exists, then there must be an answer.

Behind the question “What should I do?” There can be a meaning of different scale - from elementary momentary idleness to the search for the meaning of life. Let's look at some of the most common options when people ask this question, the main recommendations and the key laws of decision making.

What should I do? Options according to situations

If you find yourself in a difficult, unpleasant, conflict or, as it seems to you, hopeless situation.

1. You need to calm down and extinguish any negative emotions: , etc. Remember - “Never make responsible decisions in a negative or depressed psycho-emotional state”, in this case, any decision you make will be wrong and destructive for you and your destiny. First, you need to remove negativity, emotions, regain positivity or at least calmness, and only after that think, analyze and make decisions. Read more:

2. Next, paper and pen will help you. When you have more or less calmed down and pulled yourself together, take a pen and write. Write down all the possible options for solving the situation that can come to your mind, to do this, let go of yourself, your mind, give yourself free rein and write down briefly even the most incredible and fantastic options. Write the longest list possible – 10-20-30 points.

Then several times, slowly re-read all the options you wrote, if something else comes to your mind, add it to the list.

After that, cross out one option at a time. First of all, cross out those decisions that will lead to the most negative consequences if implemented (the most negative, radical). Think with your head, and not with your bottom (resentment, fear, desire for revenge, etc.), to do this, clearly imagine all the consequences of this decision, so as not to become your own enemy.

What to sacrifice? When such a question (dilemma) arises in front of you in the decision-making process, always sacrifice your weakness and negativity (resentment, etc.), and not your fate, relationships, prospects or the fate of your loved ones, even if you are offended by them . Remember, if you follow your weakness, resentment, rage, cowardice, or pride, you will never win or win, but only lose. And if you can find the strength in yourself to step over your own pride and pride, overcome resentment and conquer fear within yourself, you will become stronger in spirit and take a powerful step up to the next step in your destiny. This is something you should fight for and something you can respect yourself for later.

3. If you are consulting with someone, be sure to consider the following:

The motives of the person you are consulting with must be positive. You must be sure that he wishes you the best (be extremely sincere in this, do not be deceived).

The person who advises must understand something about the relevant issue. You shouldn't consult a botanist about nuclear physics. How not to O It is advisable to consult with a poor man or peasant on matters of business, career and finance.

And even if you decide to consult with someone, always make the decision yourself and be 100% responsible for it. You must fully feel and be sure that this is your decision, and not someone else’s (imposed).

If you have reached a dead end in life, you don’t know how and why you should live further?

Often the question “what to do?” there is a lot more to it than a person would like to think about it. Therefore, if you feel that your life is falling apart, if you have lost yourself and don’t want to live, then these are the issues you need to solve.

When you ask yourself the question “what to do?”, you need to continue it, try to rephrase it: what to do with what and with whom? with your life, with yourself or with something specific? where to go? in which direction to look, strive?, etc.

Rephrase and expand the question and it will be easier for you to answer it!

If the question is “what should I do?” is of a global nature for you, I recommend reading and studying the following practical articles:

Don't be afraid to ask big questions, don't be afraid to think about the meaning of life! Remember, if there are questions, then there are answers and these answers will make you many times stronger and happier if you find them.

1. Write down all possible options on paper and choose the best one.

2. Rephrase the question, ask it differently, expand, or even better, break this question into several smaller questions and answer them (it will be much easier to find a better solution).

3. Consult only with an adequate and knowledgeable person, a good friend.

4. If you are a believer, you are lucky! Ask God, the Light Forces to guide you, to let you know where and why to go with some signs and situations according to fate so that you understand it. Believe me, the Higher Powers know how to help a person make the right decision; they have many more tools for this than people.

• Read more -

5. What else helps? Watch a good movie. A good film puts you in a certain mood, gives energy, inspiration, lifts a person’s spirit and confidence, and in a new state, new, stronger decisions most often come. Listen to good inspiring music. Music emotionally relaxes a person and connects him to the flows of creativity that bring new thoughts, ideas and strength into a person’s mind.

There will be more specific questions -!

A person without clear life guidelines is like a ship without a destination port - it sails not to where the desired result awaits him, but to where the wind and underwater currents drive him. Very often this leads to a person marking time in one place for YEARS.

I knew one person who, following either the will of external circumstances (in the person of superiors, acquaintances, social “trends”, etc.), or parental attitudes, or his momentary desires and immature ambitions, destroyed two of his marriages, lost a solid position in the state hierarchy, and then the very opportunity to get a more or less decent job was ruined by relationships with loved ones. And in the end, he became so disoriented in his life that he became a heavy drinker, almost ended up in a colony, and miraculously avoided losing his apartment.

Now he drags out a miserable, beggarly existence, miraculously not sliding to the social bottom, although he could become an influential and respected person, if not at the regional, then certainly at the local level. And all this because he DID NOT KNOW what to do if he was confused in life.

If you are at a crossroads in life, if you have many questions but no answers, if you don’t know how to continue living, then I sincerely hope that the recommendations in this article will help you avoid unnecessary mistakes and the possible collapse of all life prospects.

The first recommendation is, oddly enough, to do nothing. That is, do not make ill-conceived and unnecessary, and therefore extremely dangerous, body movements. There is only one safety rule for those who find themselves in a quagmire or quicksand - under no circumstances should you wave your arms and legs randomly, do not make sudden and chaotic movements - fall even deeper, the one who flutters the most will be sucked in the fastest. In nature, this rule can be observed in the example of a spider’s web, where the fly that fights the most gets entangled the fastest.

So don't hesitate. “Investing in clutter” only increases the amount of clutter in your life. Before you do anything, you need to eliminate the clutter (in your head), before you eliminate the clutter, you just need to stop and look around soberly.

The second recommendation is to review the strategy. It was not by chance that you found yourself at this point in life. Something brought you here. And this something is your life strategy, no matter whether you are aware of it or not. So sit down, take a pen and paper and start analyzing: “How did I get to this life?” To make this process faster, better and more interesting for you, I recommend using .

The third recommendation is to “get out from under the press.” Starting a new life means getting out of a dead end, figuring out a confusing route. But not for a person who carries behind him a rotting bag of difficult and emotionally unresolved situations. Such a person simply will not make it to the exit. But really, it will be difficult for him to take even a couple of steps. How can we be here? The bag needs to be dropped. There can't be two options here. How exactly is a technical question. It helps me personally and my clients a lot with this. .

Here it is important to grasp and try to understand one simple thing - a person, despite all his perfection, is very similar to a car. The car runs as long as there is fuel. No fuel - the car does not move. A person moves as long as he has energy. More energy - the process goes better, faster, more fun. Little energy - the process is slow, painful, dull.

Energy is elusive, but we feel it through emotions. Negative emotions - the flow of energy slows down, narrows, and gradually dries up. Positive emotions - energy is in full swing, “we can move mountains” (see also ). This state is also called “resource”, since there is a resource - energy. Therefore, energy must be released, It helps a lot with this.

The fourth recommendation is to “separate the wheat from the chaff.” Even in 3 Pines it’s easy to get lost if you have a map with false coordinates - you’ll wander around in circles “until the second coming.” In our lives, and, consequently, in our heads, there is a lot of varied information “garbage”: false values, rotten “ideas”, vulgar ambitions, outdated beliefs, relict attitudes, etc. and so on.

As children, it was strongly instilled in us that “we must obey our elders.” In adulthood, this transformed into “obey your superiors.” What does the boss need? So that the employee works hard (preferably without days off), “gets hit” for the managerial mistakes of his superiors and does not create problems for his superiors (i.e. does not make any demands). The ideal worker is a robot!

Will such a conviction help you get out of a dead end in life? I seriously doubt it. The conclusion is to throw it in a landfill.

The fifth recommendation is to find your Big Goal. Actually, this is the way out for those who are lost and asking the question “What to do if you are confused in life?” The previous recommendations are the “seed”, the preparatory stage, the clearing of the “Augean stables”. What does it take to find your Big Goal? It’s very simple - you need to be able to rise above your life and look at it from the outside (you can find more detailed information in my article ). To make it more clear to you, a small illustrative parable:

One day, a Taoist Master led his disciple to a park located at the foot of a mountain. The park contained a complex labyrinth with high and smooth walls. The labyrinth had no roof, and its passages were illuminated by sunlight.
The master led the student to the entrance to the labyrinth and told him to find a way out. The student wandered through the labyrinth all day and all night, but time after time he invariably came to a dead end. Desperate to get out, he fell to the ground and fell asleep.
Feeling someone shaking his shoulder, the student opened his eyes. The Master stood over him.
“Follow me,” he said.
Coming out of the labyrinth, the Taoist, without turning around, began to climb the mountain. Having climbed to the top, he ordered:
- Look down!
From the place where they stood, the labyrinth was clearly visible.
“Looking from here, can you find the path leading to the exit from the labyrinth?” - asked the Taoist.
“It’s not difficult,” said the student. – You just need to look closely.
“Find it and remember it well,” the Teacher ordered. After some time, they descended the mountain, the student entered the labyrinth and confidently passed it, without ever getting lost or lost.
“The lesson you learned today concerns one of the main secrets of the Art of Living,” the Taoist said, meeting the student at the exit.
“The further you move away from the situation, the higher you rise above it, the larger the surface your gaze covers, the easier it is to find the right solution.”